She wants to marry someone else (From Asian Image)

She wants to marry someone else

2:00pm Wednesday 9th September 2009

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I have been dating this girl for five years. We loved each other very much and had planned t spend the rest of our lives together.

I had met her family and got to like them and vice versa, she on the other hand has not met anyone form my family or been to my house.

The thing is some of my family passed away some years ago.

I live on my own around 60 miles away from her. I met her when I was at uni and have said to her many times to come to my town and she can see where I live, but she always wanted me to come to her house, pick her up, and then drop her off later.

This did not make any sense to me as I would have to make to poinless journeys.

Anyway in the last two years her parents have been asking me about the wedding dat etc I thought I would keep on delaying i.e saying next year, finally in May this year, I told her mother I am not ready to get married and was in no rush to get married but I did tell them I loved their daughter and will marry her. After this event, she still stayed with me and said she will not get married to anyone else.

In July, she just stopped answering my calls or texts until finally she texted me saying she didn’t want to get married to anyone or be with anyone. Upon hearing this, I bombarded her with texts, phone calls, and sent her flowers. I just didn’t know what I did wrong until finally she told me she wanted space to think and she wants to do, so we agreed a two month break, no contact.

I did try to talk to her as I thought in this tme she will stop loving me, with no success she wouldn’t answer my calls or texts.

I stopped contacting her for around two weeks until 1 day I just thought I would see whether her feelings had changed. I called her mobile and it was switched off. I then called her at her workplace, and to my horror she told me he father had found her someone and she has agreed.

I asked her why and she just said that she just wants what her father wants. I rushed to see her parents and talked to her mum, I told her that I will do whatever they want and begged them not to do this.

On hearing this her mother was sympathetic and crying for me she did say she would have a word with her. Her father said it was her choice, and if she did want to marry me he will agree and they said they would call me later that night.

Not to my surprise, no phone call. I called her house the next day and she answered and she said I didn’t take her to my house or introduced her to anyone from my family, I begged and cried and said I will do whatever she wants but she said no and will not change ger mind.

I called her a couple of days later and tried to convince her that she still loves me and will only ruin her prospective groom’s life and I also said I will pick her up and take her and her parents wherever they want.

She said she will talk to her parents and call me later. Once again, no phone call. I called her workplace again the next day and her colleague said she doesn’t work here anymore, meaning to me that she didn’t want to talk to me.

I met her father once gain to give it one last shot and he just said its too late and he said ‘I know my daughter and she is happy and I am happy too.’ His lips were quivering and so I wished them all the best, apologised and left.

The thing is I know she still loves me and I just think she is agreeing due to being angry bowing from parent’s pressure. I did talk to her mum on the phone and she also said she is happy with whatever her parents decide and that her father does not want her to get married to me.

She may ruin her life, her prospective groom’s life, and my life.

We have been together for 5 years, I cared for her more than her family did, I don’t have have any way of contacting her unless I go to her workplace, house or call her at her house and I don’t want to do that.

My question is what should I do? I know she loves me I do want her to be happyI just don’t think she will be. Everytime he touches her, takes her out she will think of me.

My friends say if I love her I should want her to be happy. But I don’t think she will be. I love her soo much and want to be with her, please tell me what I can do.

Massi says, I am so sorry to hear that you lost all your family in such a horrific way and can only imagine how devastated you must be.

Often such tragedies make us reluctant to forge new relationships or to commit lest we find ourselves alone and hurt by someone else leaving us.

It seems that you may have problems in making a commitment which may well be why you had difficulties in committing to your girlfriend.

It is unfortunate that you and she were in different places in terms of your emotional health and she was ready to commit where you seemed to be afraid at the time to commit but are now ready to commit but she is now in a different place.

You may not want to hear this but it sounds like you have tried to get through to her and have clearly appealed to her parents but they seem to have left the decision to their daughter who is making choices that unfortunately do not include you.

You cannot physically make someone want to be with you or love you and unfortunately she has made some decisions which do not fit with the plans that you have for your life.

I am very sorry about the situation you find yourself in but you need to take your friends’ advice and accept that she wants something different from life and even though you may feel she has made the wrong choice and will be unhappy you need to let her live her life the way she chooses.

She has made her choices and no matter how wrong they may seem to you they are her choices and need to be respected. Nobody will think that you have not tried but you need to get on with living your life and let her live hers no matter how painful it may be for you.

Take comfort from your friends and remember the good times you had with fondness and move on with your life. I wish you all the best for the future and hope that you are able to love again.

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