She got married and left me alone (From Asian Image)

She got married and left me alone

6:40pm Thursday 13th August 2009

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Dear Massi, I have known this girl for eight years now, we met when we were young and we grow up understanding each other very well.

We decided to get married to each other but we knew it will be hard for our parents to agree to it as she is Pakistani and I am Bengali.

So we went ahead with it, she told her parent but at first her parent disagreed to it but after a while they agreed. Her parent ended up saying before I can marry her I should have of my own house and that her side of the family will have nothing to do with my side of the family.

I agreed to everything but I needed time for me for me to get a house. This time led to her mum taking her back home, out of the blue her mum booked the ticket saying they were going to Pakistan for her brother’s wedding but she knew the score that she will get pressured into it herself.

She decided that she will go but gave me her word that she will come back and in the meantime I carry on sorting everything out so when she returns we can get married straight away.

As soon as she went I got the house and had everything done such as decorating and laying the carpet down furnishing the whole house basically.

I told her while she was there that that I have sorted everything out and she spoke to her mum.

Her mum turned round and said "you just wanna put shame on the family" and that "I’m not good for her as he can not do anything for you" her mum fell ill and she was quite bad, she loves her mum to bits and can’t see her hurt.

Her mum turned round and said to her that her last wish will be to see her married. She fell into the pressure and felt like she could not turn back. She agreed for the sake of her mum. She got married.

Now that she is back she has told me that she’s not happy about the marriage but feels like she cant do anything because of her mum.

She said to me that if she had the chance she would get the divorce and marry me but said if she did that she thinks her mum will get worse. Today I am suffering so much.

I cry day and night and I suffer day and night. Everyday when I wake up I wish this was all a dream but I end up feeling pain and more pain and I really can’t help it at times I feel like I can take my life so I can get rid of the pain.

She knows how much pain I am going through she wants to do something about it without hurting her mum to much.

She feels like now that she is in this marriage her mum would not agree to anything.

She says if she has to do this just to keep her mum happy then she is going to have to but she will be unhappy for the rest of her life.

MASSI SAYS, I am really sorry to hear about your plight and I think in your hear of hearts you know what my response is going to be.

She has made her decision and that was to keep her mum happy and she continues to be influenced by this which is evidenced by her not wishing to do anything that would upset her mother.

I am sorry that you have had to go through all this to have nothing to show for it but she was clearly placed in a really difficult position and bowed under the pressure from her family however, she still had a choice she could have chosen not to get married.

Although it must be quite difficult for you to take she is now married and if she is really so unhappy only she can make the decision to end her current relationship in order to be with you.

You need to giveher some space to make her mind up as to what she wants to do as she will be under even more pressure if you are waiting in the wings for her to choose you, the honest truth is that she may never choose you and you will have wasted your life.

I know this is a difficult time for you but you need to continue with your life and let her get on with hers.

I would perhaps speak with her one last time and ask her if there is any chance for your relationship, if not then you need to move on and accept that you guys being together may never happen.

Good luck, I hope you begin to feel better soon.

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