I think I made a big mistake (From Asian Image)

I think I made a big mistake

2:15pm Saturday 23rd May 2009

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Dear Massi, I’ve been married for almost a year.

We get on fine but I now don’t feel any love towards her.

We married after meeting and getting to know each other over a period of a year after meeting on the internet.

We did not really see each other much as she’s from the north and I’m from the south Now, she’s told me shes pregnant and the truth is I dont have any feeling for her.

It’s like I’m there for the sake of the child.

I feel really awwful as I’ve let a lot of people down because all my friends and family were involved with organising this marriage.

I know I cannot turn back time but I need help.

ANON.

Massi Says, You do sound awfully confused. You say that you had got to know one another over a period of a year, I assume you guys will have had conversations about where you see your relationship and life going and it may need for you to have those conversations again as it doesn’t sound like you know what you want at the moment.

Have you spoken to your wife about your feelings? Is she aware of your current confusion?

It is not unusual for people to have doubts about their relationships and all relationships do go through rough periods from time to time but you have the added pressure of knowing that your wife is pregnant and so any talk you have with her will be influenced by this but you need to speak with her.

You say you don’t love her. You need to realise that marriages are not based on love alone, there is so much more such as companionship, friendship and common interests, that is not to say that you should not expect to love your wife but sometimes it takes a while to grow. You guys must have been attracted to one another at some point as it has led to marriage and the imminent arrival of your first child.

You need to ask yourself what it is you want from your relationship. It seems like you are overwhelmed with what is happening at the moment. Perhaps you had not expected to become a father so soon.

The problem you have is that you are going to become a father and you are married and although you do have feelings of ambivalence towards your wife at the moment you need to discuss these and find a way forward.

Just because you feel this way now does not mean you will feel like this forever. Look at the positives: you are with a wife that you have chosen and got to know well and you are going to be a father which are both positive things.

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