It broke my heart when I found out

7:57pm Saturday 5th January 2008

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Dear Massi, I have been working at a call centre well over a year now.

I am intrested in this guy at work as he seems so down to earth and is really jolly. I've never been out with anyone because I've always wanted to go out with the person who I'm likely to marry.

The funny thing is I was asked out by someone else in the office but I've had this person in my mind.

When he is around I get the nervous. I have always had this thought in my mind that someday I will approach him and all will go well.

My family would let me marry someone of my choice as long as he is from same backround.

I'm looking for a job elsewhere but even the thought of not seeing him again puts me down.

Recently I was chatting to a friend and she just mentioned him randomly and told me he is Pakistani whereas I am a Gujrati.

My heart went upside down I know this would affect my feelings but I know there is no way my family would let me marry him.

I was realy upset and thought theres no point of going ahead with it if its going to cause problems in the future but I still have feelings for him what shall I do?

N Massi Says, Firstly I get the feeling you don't really know this person all that well - maybe you should get to know the person better so you can like them for who they are and not who you imagine them to be.

With regards to the ethnicity that is a decision you have to make once you know if there is even a relationship there-what is the point of worrying or getting upset if you two are not compatable any way in the first place.

What I would say is don't let a persons background or ethnicity be the determining factor as to whether you want to take this further or just remain colleagues because you don't fall for someones ethnicity you fall for the person.

Families are important but so is the person we spend the rest of our lives with.

And waiting for that right person isn't always the correct decision to make because there is no such person as the person you are meant to marry.

Relationships for some are compromise and hard work not about finding the one.