I want to leave my husband (From Asian Image)

I want to leave my husband

5:17pm Wednesday 12th December 2007

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Dear Massi, When I turned 16 my parents took me to Pakistan and got me married to my cousin.

Now I am 22 years old, my husband is here living with me but there is something wrong.

I have no feelings for my husband I don't even love him. I am trying to make this relationship work for my parents sake or shall I say for izzat.

There was this guy I liked a lot and we even wanted to get married but I never mentioned him to my parents because I was afraid of what my parents will actually do.

I think about him every day and I certainly know he still loves me. I have not seen him for three years.

The worse thing is - at that time I was already married but he never knew. I never told anyone.

I have tried making my marriage life work but nothing changes I end up back in the same place so it's useless.

Also divorce is forbidden in my family. It is totally not allowed. I wish I had married the guy that I had loved. I want him to be happy who ever he is with, because I will always love him. What shall I do?

MASSI SAYS, There are two separate issues here and you musn't confuse the two.

The first is your marriage which you are unhappy in so you need to do something about it because only you can live your life.

The second is probably a symptom of your unhappy marriage because if you were in love with your husband you would not have looked elsewhere.

I don't think you should blame your husband. If you were in love with someone else then you should not have got married regardless of how much pressure there was from your family.

The other man is obviously someone you care about but you need to sort out your marriage before you look at anyone else.

Divorce may not be acceptable in your family but it is acceptable in Islam. It is something you can consider but only if you are sure you do not love or have any feelings for your husband.

At the end of the day your parents cannot live your life for you and if three years have been hard, imagine what another thirty will be like. We all owe it to ourselves to, at the very least, try and be happy.

Also, bear in mind your ex may have moved on and have a life of his own. He may be married himself or with someone else.

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