Why won't they understand?

9:26am Tuesday 20th November 2007

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Dear Massi,I am divorced and so is the person I am with right now. I wanted to tell my parents about this girl that I intend to marry, but it all went wrong.

They found out about her through my cousin sister, who I thought I could trust, but she twisted everything. She made the girl I am with seem like a bad person when she is not.

My parents are believing her and are now saying that if I get married to this girl who has a child, what will people in the community say?

I have told my parents that whatever happens I am still going to marry this girl and won't accept anything else.

My cousin brother has said to me, to wait six months and see what happens and if your feelings are still the same, to then discuss the matter with my family.

At the moment my family are not agreeing and they will disown me. But I am trying to do the right thing by telling my parents.

Since I am still going through my divorce with my ex, I really don't know what to say at the moment.

What gets me is that my older sister married a revert who I married off since my dad did not want to be there. Now everyone is happy.

My ex did not even want to stay at the family home, but this girl does, and she encourages me to sit with my family, since most of the time I don't.

EL.

MASSI SAYS, You seem like a responsible and mature person. And being one I think you should be prepared to wait for a while before getting married.

You didn't say how long you have known this person.

I don't think you should worry too much about your cousin sister. It is very easy to get yourself lost in idle gossip in situations like this.

As for your parents it is good you want to tell them. But rather than worry about what might happen try to be rational about things. Wait until your divorce is finalised before you make any commitments.

I'm certain that once your parents realise that you are determined to marry this woman then they will support you like they eventually supported your sister.. Most parents would do the same thing. Especially in our community.

If you love this person then things will work out.

Remember this decision not only affects you and your partner but also your partner's child.