There are two kinds of people in the world my friends...those who drink the whole cup of tea and those who leave a bit at the end.

Who the hell are those folk? And why do they do it?

When all is said and done there is no finer thing on the planet than a cup of tea.

The strange thing is we can no longer do the things we would like to do with a cup of tea when we visit someone’s home.

Why does everyone go quiet when I decide to pour the tea into a saucer and slurp the tea down? All of sudden I am public enemy number one.

where is the shame in dunking not just the bisqoot but your whole hand into the cup of tea.

Why do they make such a big deal when I let my rusk fall into the tea and eat it with a spoon?

Do that and the women think you’re an inbred.

Go to someone’s house these days and they automatically ask…’Do you want English tea or Asian?’ Hmmm. That’s difficult choice. I go for the English tea they might think I am coconut. And if I go for the Asian one will it taste like ****?

Okay, it ain’t that bad but you can never tell as some of these British born A women haven’t a clue how to make an Asian cup of tea.

I heard of one just putting red chilli in and hoping no-one would notice.

At least some people have the common decency to ask. They used to plead with you have a cup of tea when you visited. It was like some major contest. ‘That bloke is not leaving my house until he has had a tea’.

Now, we just give them mineral water and send them on their way.

And why do you never see a bloke serving tea to a woman? The shame of it would be unbearable.

The worst job in the world is the man who has to put sugar and milk into fifty cups of tea at a special visit. The very process is fraught with danger.

You ask each individual how many sugars he takes. One by one you go through everything and suddenly you give the wrong cup someone.

All hell breaks loose and they accuse you of trying to kill him as he is suffering from diabetes and you should have known better.