With a name like that you knew you were heading for trouble.
But it wasn’t always like that was it. Nicknames had a meaning and they kind of made sense.
If a guy called Abdul was a little overweight he was named ‘Motah Abdul’ or ‘Jhariah’ for short.
A skinny guy called Vikram was known as ‘Sukha Vik’. And anyone who smelt a little funky was called ‘Bo (insert name here).
People were named with the way they looked and acted. It was simple and the brother knew his place.
Somewhere down the line for one split second of his life that guy that done something. And he was forever named after that one thing.
It became a little ridiculous when we ended up calling someone ‘Boots’ because yes...he worked at ‘Boots’ for two months.
Should I ever feel proud that I called a brother 'Kaliah' (black) because he was a little darker than the rest of us?.
Or for that matter ‘Gorah Kenny’. Because there were two Kenny’s and that was the only way to tell them apart.
For a few years things got a little crazy. Everything had ‘ah’ at the end of it. Shahbaz became Shabazah…Jhanghir became Jagha….and Asif became Asfah.
Even when we couldn’t rhyme anything with the word we ended up making one up anyway. Like the famous Munaf who became ‘Munfah’.
Some parent somewhere had the bright idea to name their sons with a name normally associated with a female. Like Mumtaz and Shameem. Hey, those fellas turned out to be the greatest folks there were.
Then it happened we morphed the names into English sounding names. Bilal…Billy, Haroon…Harry… and Jamil…Jimmy.
But it all kind of made sense, that is until now. I have to say when I heard that a guy was named….’Pad’ I nearly did an ‘Ultee’(vomit).
Sometimes, it makes no difference what the guy looks like or acts. The nickname is something completely off the wall.
You can walk into a place and be introduced to someone called ‘Roger’. Who the hell is Roger? What‘s your real name boy?
‘Umar’. Your real name is Umar and they call you Roger?
I can feel that ultee coming up again.