Unannounced

But what is it about turning up at someone’s house unannounced that is typically Asian?

Despite the invention of mobile phones, pagers, the internet, Twitter and Facebook – we still turn up at people’s homes completely unannounced.

It is like some cruel game we love to play.

Okay, the present unannounced crew compare miserably to the kings and queens of yesteryear but who cares.

Back then you would have a whole van just turn up out of the blue and expect to be treated like royalty.

The ladies would have to find ways to muster up rotee (chappati), salan (curry) and fry two hundred samosas in ten minutes flat.

And god forbid you have a mess in the house. The women then whisper what a messy mum the other lady is. Well, what on earth did you expect?

And what happens when the elder in the house isn’t home? This bloke turns up is shepherded to the front-room and has to sit with some kid who has no idea who this other fella is?

The kid feels guilty and the bloke seems upset. There is this embarrassing silence. Should have rung ahead then...and my dad would have been home.

The worst thing ever are the people that just walk into the house because the door was open. You are having a snooze on the sofa and auntie-jee strolls in with all the entourage.

I get my own back and have done for many years and time my visit to coincide with a special family celebration. I knock at the door and watch them peer from the window.

I can sense the panic when they see my seven seater and that of my brother parked up outside.

And then when I enter the house I pretend I shouldn’t have come. But deep down I know have ruined their celebrations – especially after my six kids devour their chocolate birthday cake.

But do I honestly care? Do I hell! I stick around for as long as possible and only leave when I know they have no food left in the house.

Now, that’s sik bro.