Converted (From Asian Image)

Converted

3:51pm Tuesday 18th January 2011 in Last Bit By The Last Bit

The point is that the convert knows more than us and we can’t handle it.

It’s brilliant when you get a convert at home. We’re all like’ hey look we got a goree at our house and it ain’t the pre-natal nurse neither.’ All is great and things are fine. The modern family can’t be helpful enough to the newly weds. We are after all one big happy family.

But then there are the blatant racists. Do you notice it is never the the blokes of the house who turn out to be prejudice. It is always the women who go mental because they have promised their son’s rishta to their family back home.

And when the son says ‘no thank you I’d rather not marry the horse’ the mum can’t handle it. And we’re all like ‘yeah so what?’. But then the poor woman who has been taught that all Muslims are the same finds out that we are in fact - ‘different’.

Even if she is the perfect daughter-in-law we still make her life hell with almost impossible demands.

No matter how much the whole thing stinks of racism we still have the nerve to call our boss racist because he won’t give us two days off for Eid!

What about those folk who would rather have him marry a non-Asian than someone from a rival caste? What on earth is that about? If that doesn’t screw your brain up I don’t know what will!

In the olden days, they would try your best to hide the second woman or end-up marrying both to appease everyone. Can’t do that nowadays - lock you up bro.

As for the male convert isn’t it fantastic when he completely condradicts every one of your questions. Proper freaks you out. You were born into the religion and this brother blows you away with his knowledge.

But then you realise that guy has actually sat down and studied stuff whilst you just repeated what your dad told you.

And then it happens. When he converted he was fresh but soon enough we confuse the complete hell out of him with our wonderful little ‘laws’.

He walks into a mosque and gets told his beard is all wrong, that he hasn’t got his trousers above his ankles, that he holds his hands wrong way.

As time goes by there is a small shift in the fella’s attitude and he becomes more cultured than anyone else.

Hey, I’m only saying don’t blame me what do I know? I ain’t no convert, I mean revert.