The hanger-on (From Asian Image)

The hanger-on

7:48pm Wednesday 2nd June 2010 in Last Bit By The Last Bit

When I went back home to my native country for the first time they told me all sorts of stories.

‘Listen up son when you get there make sure you don’t fall for anything - everyone is out to milk you dry. You won’t even know they have fleeced you until it is too late.”

It scared me proper style. As soon as I got off the plane I was in super defensive mode.

Even the mention of the word ‘paysah’ (money) got me all nervous. But it was hopeless. No matter how hard you tried to look poor you had ‘walaytee baba’ written all over your face.

Soon enough I got myself a ‘hanger-on’ who figured he could squeeze me of every rupee I had. And he was good at it too.

Sometimes we went for dinner and I’m sure the waiter and him were in on the deal when they charged me 50 rupees for Panee (water) tax.

Every time I went out he always came with me like some leech.

When I bought something he picked something up too and slyly put it on the till...and then looked at me as if I owed him a favour cos he was related to me.

I brought a gift so did he. I tried some clothes on so did he. I got some food he got double.

The most annoying thing in the world was when I gave him 100 rupees to pay for something - he never ever gave me back the change! He had me figured out good and proper.

The best thing was you met some other friend of yours who was also visiting the native land. He had a hanger-on too and both had some unwritten rule to get as much as possible out of their ‘distant relative’. They laughed and giggled in private.

Alas, how the tables have turned. In the recession a new breed of ‘reverse hangers-on’ has been born.

They wait for their cousins to come over from abroad and then do the dirty on them. I saw one fellow getting designer clothes and a Macdees all on his relatives ‘credit card.’ When I asked how long he had been doing it he replied. “For a couple of weeks now. When I went over to Pakistan some years ago this fellow took me for a proper ride – now it’s payback time.

“I told him the government give out credit cards to all new arrivals! He’s going to get one hell of shock when he gets the bill.”