A date? You want to go on a date? Well, I’ve never heard of anything so preposterous in my life. How dare you even suggest such a heinous past time.

The point is, we are going to want to go on a date but we have to hide it that’s all. If anyone was to see us on a ‘date’ we may never live down the shame.

Oh, the horror of being seen with someone of the opposite sex. What to do?

To put it bluntly you can’t go on a date. It is haram my friends.

If you end-up going anywhere you have to ‘pretend’ to be in the vicinity of someone else.

Just by chance, so no-one thinks you are actually together - when you are.

So, if anyone was to ask, you can ‘pretend’ that you were really with one of your friends and you were not with that person. You know how it works.

The best thing is to imagine that one of your friends is actually the ‘mehram’ – you know the person who is supposed to keep an eye on you an all that, but in fact is just there to justify your meeting. So no-one thinks anything dodgy is going on.

Okay, this has got a little bit confusing.

Now, I guess the modern boys and girls may well think their lives are hard. But spare a thought for the brothers and sisters who came before you. Our so-called ‘meetings’ were like something out of a spy movie.

It had to be planned weeks in advance and even a simple meal had to take place in total secrecy.

Without mobile phones and text messages it had to be planned with military precision. You had to get the timing right and then hold ‘meetings’ in places like a library. Yes, the library was a favourite haunt for many. One never studied so much yet ended-up with such poor grades.

Things got a little more complicated if you were meeting someone of a different colour, religion, caste, culture or nationality. It was never easy explaining to a white person why you couldn’t hold their hands in public.

Look, I like you and all that, but the hand holding is not happening and stop being so possessive.

Then there was a moment of extreme panic. That moment when you see someone who knows you. At that point both parties knew without even a word being uttered that our plans had been compromised.

‘Abort, abort, abort – uncle spotted on first floor.’ It later transpired uncle jee himself was seeing some neighbour.