The good thing about summer is that every so often you are going to get a good hard unadulterated ‘Asian scrap’.

Scraps should be pretty run of the mill stuff. Two people have an argument and things get out of hand – there are some fisticuffs – people go home.

If the police arrive, folk is arrested and folk is put in jail.

But then we have the thing called the ‘Asian Scrap’. In the seventies when a few of us didn’t get along or looked at the wrong woman we had what was called back then a ‘ding dong’ – the cops would arrive – there were arrests.

A few weeks later the police would remarkably find that all the charges had been dropped. This was because the two sides have done what was called a ‘razeenavah’ (reconciliation). A complete and utter p*** take if there ever was one.

Things have moved on.

Modern day ding- dong usually begins because some women couldn’t get along. Let’s be honest and open about this – our women are to blame for the fights because 'her rotee was better than our rotee'.

This disagreement leads to their extended families getting involved and their extended friends soon join in too.

The catalyst is when some young guy comes home and says ‘so and so’ slapped me. Man says ‘because you were probably being a prick’. Woman says ‘How dare anyone touch my beautiful innocent boy’.

Soon enough all the females are taking to social media to have a pop at one another. Not directly, but writing stuff like, ‘Some people are so full of themselves…’ We Asians are experts at insinuating things without naming anyone. Dear Massi does it all the f****** time.

The biggest f***s of the lot are the ladies who then poison their bloke’s minds.

Having a rough night, Asian bro wants to prove himself and kicks-off big time. His posse join in and so does everyone else who wants a piece of the action.

We always have one guy on each side of the ‘war’ who is as hard as nails - you know ‘pehlwan types’. I honestly do feel sorry for these fellows as they get used and abused.

Sometimes the rivalry is extended across nations and our cousins back home join in.

This is not a war it is personal.

When all is said and done we can’t even remember why the whole thing started – but at least we walked away without anyone doing our ‘bayztee’ (disrespect).

Yes, that wonderful word that forever will separate the lallus from the panjus.