We came, we saw and we conquered. I do like a good night out on the town and a proper mash-up. That was before I got a dharee (beard).

Things have changed though haven’t they? It all began innocently enough. We would wear our white suit and red socks and head out for a good old night on the town. It was the ‘Don’ look and it worked. We walked with a swagger and if it meant making a glass of cola last all night that is exactly what we was going do.

Things were simple. We had our dedicated perverts and we had our dedicated drinkers. There was no middle ground.

The problem is that the reputations of yesteryear have been difficult to shake-off but you have the familiar faces making an appearance.

It wasn’t fun then and it isn’t fun now. And some of them simply don’t get the message.

‘He can’t take his drink’ man is my firm favourite – I truly do love this guy.

This sad excuse of a fellow drinks one shot and is completely and utterly smashed for the rest of the evening.

He then proceeds to harass restaurant owners and anything that moves while his friends pretend he has some mental issue.

Then you have the ‘middle-aged’ party animal. Receding hairline, belly and tight jeans...yes, it is always tight jeans.

He still thinks he can pull it off and tries his best to flaunt his looks at every single girl that passes by. Bro, you never looked so good.

I guess these are complexities of life.

Look, you can’t be going all Father Jack Hackett on me and then saunter into the nearest takeaway asking ‘if the food is halal’. I couldn’t understand it then and I can’t now.

You are okay having some weed and maybe some drink but god forbid you eat ever touch haram food.

Even better why not get trollied and then go on Facebook and say ‘Mashallah bro’ a couple of times. It is all good.

It makes a whole load of sense preaching to the pretty sisters and the brethren when you have had a few. Yes, it does.

Lets’ do it..just like old times Carlito...just like old times.