Okay so we can’t hold hands in public.

I am not sure why not but the whole thing was frowned upon, until recently when I was shocked...yes...truly shocked to see a middle aged couple holding hands in front of everyone.

How dare they? Have they no self-respect showing their feelings for one another in public.

It is one of those unwritten rules – no holding of the hands in public in case someone sees you and makes a comment about how ‘in love’ you are. There are of course exceptions to the rule.

You can hold hands if you are ‘dating’ but only where there are no other Asians around to spot you.

Here, is the worse thing that can happen - you have made a huge effort to escape the neighbourhood and find yourself wandering around a ‘non-Asian’ area. All of a sudden you see a brother walking towards you - instinctively you let go of her hand.

There is nothing to be ashamed of but you do it anyway.

The holding hands thing comes in to its own on ‘holiday’. We are holding hands now all of a sudden? That is until you see your cousin on holiday and you soon end that period of romancing.

The best sight ever is the lady with full veil on and the brother with the jubbah on holding hands in town. No-one says a single word. Young newly married couple...shock horror...shame..send in the Maulana.

Then you have the fellow who recently got married to some woman from abroad. She is all like.. ‘Hold my hand in town why don’t you’ – He is like... ‘Man, I hope my boys don’t see me’.

You are more likely to see an alien wearing a shalwar kameez than you are an Asian couple holding hands.

And then it happens. You go to Pakistan and all of a sudden it is the brothers who want to hold your hands. I found this quite liberating to be completely honest. All the brothers were holding hands with one another and they were ‘keeping it real’.

It was the butch thing to do you see. You hold my hand and we swing our arms and talk like two best mates going to the river to do some fishing. Come back to the UK and holding hands is forbidden.

Anyway what is it with the holding hands thing anyway... we don’t hold hands so deal with it. The first generation never even sat on the same sofa set...and you want to hold my hand?

It isn’t happening. Get over it.