There are favours and then there are favours - Asian style.

If there is one thing that defines us is our ability to completely and utterly take the mickey out of a favour.

There are several types of favours. First you give someone something for a discounted price. They normally persuade you do this by using the immortal line, ‘Brother, we are all Muslims…’ As soon as someone uses this line you know you are well and truly screwed.

Surprisingly, things don’t go to plan. The other person then comes back to you saying the product you gave them was rubbish. They then proceed to tell the world what a fraud you are.

There is also the ‘free favour’. Basically you give someone something for free after they plead you to ‘do them a favour’.

The golden rule in life is never ever give an Asian anything for free as they then think they own you.

The Asian woman is a professional at this game. She gets something for nothing and then wants the world to bend over so she can shaft it at her own will. If this doesn’t happen all hell will break loose.

The ‘favour for a friend’ sees you do something for someone because that person knows your friend. Being Asian, this guy then tells your friend that you treated him wrong and ‘didn’t give him enough respect’.

Of course he doesn’t moan about the service he got and the fact he got everything for almost nothing.

The favour that really isn’t a favour has to be the worst of the lot.

This guy will give out a small favour and then will expect the favour returned twenty times over.

This has to be a favour truly Asian style. This guy once lent me his jump leads and wants the whole community to know.

If in conversation you don’t mention the jump leads he will take great offence to it. In return he wants me to be his best pal for life.

He constantly texts me anytime he needs a favour and then passes my number on to other ‘favour hunters’ so they can harrass me too.

Want a happy and meaningful life? Don’t ever, and when I ever mean ever, do a Brother Asian a favour.