It began some time ago. Well, the nineties I guess.

I was walking past a superstore and a fellow I knew was in this shop playing the lottery.

Having left the shop he preceded to tell me that I should not eat from this particular store as the food was haram. He then told me about quite a lot of other things I should not be doing because they were against my religion.

Funny thing is I never did those things in the first place but he wanted to tell me about them anyway.

Yeah, but ‘What about the lottery...brother?’ There was a momentary silence and he then claimed he was playing it for one of his friends.

This continued and ‘Brother Lottery’ morphed in to a different character. He became more incensed about the world’s injustices and how he was standing alone.

All the time things like growing my beard and having a particular haircut were all deemed bad. But ‘Brother Lottery’ never once stopped playing the lottery. Now, he has grown-up a bit but he has been replaced by other brother Lotteries.

They hide their affliction sometimes and can be seen hurrying to the outskirts of the town to play the lottery late in the day.

Most now simply go on online and gamble that golden pound in the hope that money will solve life’s problems.

When confronted with these misdemeanours, brother lottery has answers for everything.

Now, I ain’t a perfect person but even I know when one is beat. The best thing to do with brother lottery is to never open your mouth.

And don’t ever mention the word ‘Morocco’ to Brother Lottery or you will never hear the end of it.

Sister Lottery is the same. The biggest trick she plays these days is to claim that that she is single, when she obviously isn’t and take what the government gives her. She’s got it all sewn up.