Is she sure of her religion? (From Asian Image)

Is she sure of her religion?

12:18pm Friday 18th November 2011 in Dear Massi By Massi

Dear Massi, I have been married for two and half years now to a girl who used to be another religion.

But she had left this religion when I first ever met her as she was looking into Islam.

However several months ago I confronted her as since we got married she has stopped doing anything ie, the study groups and general learning of namaaz when she told me that she wanted to go back to the meeting's that she used to of her original religion.

I asked how long she has been feeling this shift back to her original religion she was bought up with and she advised a while as she found out that in Islam jihad is allowed and because she grew in with a pacifist religion she cannot understand why Allah would allow this.

I advised that Jihad is an everyday struggle and as far as war is concerned that anyone would protect anything if they truly loved it i.e. if some thief broke into a house and you would protect your family and I showed her verses of the Bible where crusades in the name of fighting for a religion you believe in have occurred and that her religion was more on the pacifist side of things that's all.

After looking into this herself she apologised for judging Islam without knowing or understanding this and that she did not know the Bible had crusades and she was willing to carry on to be a Muslim even though if I ask her 'are you a Muslim?' and she answers 'I don't know what I am'.

She has stopped believing I think as in the seven years that I have known her she hasn't even learnt 1 dua yet or even the actions of salaat and she only looks into kitaabs if I sit down to pray otherwise she makes no effort.

Should I be worried that she is just a Muslim by name and trying perhaps just keeping me with her as I cannot be with someone who lies to me especially if they are using Islam as a pawn to keep this marriage?.

I have also noticed she is constantly on her phone texting people and if I ask who it was then she just says 'no one' or texting her parents.

I asked to see her phone the other day and the people she confides in, well, all the texts were deleted and when I asked her in front of me she says there was no talk about me.

The problems we have had but after being angry for few days that she is hiding something I asked again and she told me she has been talking about us to her parents and best friends but would not say what was said even though I think I have a right to know.

She has since then told me she has been telling lies and that she has told these people about the problems we have had.

I don't think I can take these lies and hiding things from me anymore as she herself admitted that even though she said she hasn't spoken to anyone about us after arguing she admitted she had and the more I ask the more she tells me what she has been saying.

Massi Says, It sounds as though your wife converted in order to marry you and not because she felt that Islam was for her which is a trap that people can easily fall into as they feel that their love for their partner is so great that it can bypass a lifetime of living another way of life.

If she has grown up in another culture, following another religion and has given this up for you then she may well not be into the religion.

She made the move for you and not the love of the religion.

Just put yourself in her shoes and think how hard it would be to shake off all of your past thinking and take on a completely new way of life.

It sounds as though she may be unhappy with her choices and has some very basic knowledge and no interest to learn anymore.

I suggest you speak with her and find out exactly what is happening with her and what she wants from the relationship.

You may not be happy with her answers but it sounds like she may be regretting converting.

We cannot force people to think the way we want and if she is not happy with her choices then she may need to rethink what she wants from your relationship and you need to think if you are happy with living with someone who has no interest in Islam.

Good luck with this.