Dear Massi, I wanted to have my daughter’s birthday party but my cousins say it is ‘haram’.

It is causing me a great deal of anguish. 

Why are they so bothered about we do? 

They come to our house often and live around the corner.

The couple are so bothered about things like birthdays and weddings and are always lecturing us and the neighbours. And they are not alone, my neighbours are like that too.  My husband used to live in Saudi Arabia and he says it is worse here!

I dress modestly and my husband attends prayers when he can but it is shocking we have to argue about birthdays!

My daughter is turning five and all I wanted is a party but they are making big issues about it.

They are saying that having a party is haram and if we have a small gathering my husband should not be in the same room as any cousins as this is free-mixing. 

He wants to take pictures! Which by the way they say is also haram!

What I don’t understand is no-one says anything about their own family. 

Their daughter went to University and wears western clothes. 
The mum meanwhile wears a veil and the husband is always lecturing everyone.

Why is there so much hypocrisy? 

And why are they bothered about my daughter’s birthday?

Massi says, It is only natural to be affected by other people’s judgmental ideas and disapproving rhetoric, particularly if they are family and neighbours.

Remember it is always easier to pass judgment on others as we are very often clouded by our own behaviour.

However, you have to live your life according to your own ideals and not by trying to please other people’s standards.

If you would like to have a birthday party, don’t let other people’s opinions deter you. If you know they will disapprove, then simply refrain from inviting them.