Dear Massi, Please help. I had an affair about a year ago. My wife found out and I ended the affair immediately.

Actually I have cheated on her a few times, but this time when she threatened to throw me out and divorce me, I promised to never cheat on her again.

She didn't tell anyone about it. If my parents ever found out, they would disown me. If her parents found out, it would kill them.

I tried so hard to tell her I have changed and that I was so sorry for what had happened.

I thought she had forgiven me and we had moved on from it. 

But she keeps punishing me for it, even a year later.

She keeps holding me to ransom and threatening to tell people just to get her own way in any situation.

When I didn't want her to go to dinner with her friend's because it clashed with a milad event at my parents house, she threatened to tell them about my affair.

When my brother and his wife were going to visit us, I asked my wife if she could make dinner for them. She got really angry and said yes, and for dinner conversation we can talk about my affair.

When I paid for my parents to go to umrah, she flipped out and said I should have given her the money and not wasted it on my parents. And that if I ever did anything like that again, she would tell my parents about the affair.

I had to almost buy her silence by giving her the same amount of money I spent on parent's trip.

I am scared to invite family over to my house or to go to a family event with her.

She has become so volatile and aggressive.

I am scared to say anything in case she doesn't like what comes out of my mouth and then the threats start again.

Massi Says, You made a mistake and you owned up to it.

You have asked for forgiveness and you have promised to not engage in any further misdemeanours.

Whilst your wife may not be able to forget that you cheated, she certainly should not be emotionally blackmailing you in this way.

It is understandable that you are afraid of the repercussions of your family finding out about your indiscretions.

However, you cannot live the rest of your life in fear or in a state of paranoia that your wife may say something in a fit of anger.

Talk to your wife and explain that you are full of regret about what happened, and you understand that you hurt her immensely. 

However, explain that you must both move on from that episode as you are finding it damaging to be in a relationship where you are being threatened constantly.

If her stance does not change, you may want to consider talking to your family directly about what happened.

Whilst you made a grave mistake, they will be able to see your sincerity and you may be surprised by their acceptance.