Dear Massi, I am looking for some tactful advice. My daughter has made new friend's recently but I don't get a good vibe off them. 

They're all 16 and are also Asian, but her new friends socialise at night a lot and they mix with boys.They keep asking my daughter to join them but I don't allow it. I wouldn't say we are conservative but I want my children to understand family values.

I checked my daughter's phone for the first time and I found some very disturbing messages.

They have a group chat in WhatsApp. The girl's were talking about who has given oral sex to which boys and they were comparing who has done it the most amount of times. My daughter didn't make any comments in that chat.

I was absolutely shocked. I can't believe they are using that sort of sexual language so casually.

I know they're on Snapchat too but I have no idea how that works, so God knows what they are sharing on there.

Shall I tell my daughter what I saw in her phone or should I speak to the parents of these girl's?

I am not sure how to handle this.

Massi says, Social media has led to the prevalence of new dilemmas particularly when parents want to police their children's activities. 

Many parents engage in some well intentioned spying.

Whilst what you read perturbed you, you saw that your daughter was not a part of that.

Teenagers have a natural inclination to retain privacy.

You cannot control what your 16-year-old daughter and her friends talk about, therefore speaking to their parents is not really your primary concern.

Rather than expressing your anger or shock at your daughter, it would be better to ensure that you have good communication with her to avoid her retreating into isolation due to embarrassment or anger that her privacy has been violated.

Let your daughter know that she can talk to you about anything that worries her and reassure her that you will listen without any judgement.