Dear Massi, Any advice will be useful. My son used to get into trouble a lot at school and used to drink and do drugs.
Ever since he became religious my husband and I were so relieved. My son has now graduated and has found a job.
Now he told me and my husband that he wants to get married.
We were happy to hear this. But he told us he found a woman he wants to marry.
She is 45. My son is 22.
She is divorced twice and has no children.
My son says it is a good deed as a Muslim to marry a divorced woman, in this case someone who will find it difficult to get married a third time. We can't really argue with that.
But this woman is far too old for him.
If they have kids there might be health problems. Plus she'll be old and tired looking after a baby.
I know this should not worry me, but how will I tell people in my family and social circle that my son is marrying a woman who is practically his mother's age?
My son has his whole life ahead of him. But he says me and my husband are too wrapped up in culture and are not looking at his potential marriage through an Islamic perspective.
Massi says, As parents your role is to guide and advise.
You cannot dictate things to your adult son.
Your concerns about this marriage come from a natural concern that a parent will have.
However, the decision lies with your son.
If he is adamant he wants to marry this woman, it would be better if you and your husband accepted his decision.
If you continue to challenge him on this, you may both risk alienating your son.