Dear Massi, I met a girl online and after a while we arranged to meet.
When we met the first time she brought along her mahram (chaperone) who was her brother.
That was fine and I was happy with the first meeting. I would have insisted on a mahram anyway so that was not the issue.
We have met several times now and she brought her brother.
In the last month both families have met and we have arranged for a wedding date.
Every time we talk the brother wants me to ring him first.
We went shopping and I brought my sister and he turned up again.
We went to a restaurant with my mum and sisters and he was there again.
He is constantly texting me and calling me and checking up on me. You would think I was getting married to him!
Sometimes he turns up at my work place and wants to talk.
I have spoken to her and she says he was always possessive so I should just put up with him.
How can I tell him to back off without ruining my marriage plans?
Massi says, Rather than this being anything insidious, perhaps your future brother-in-law simply enjoys your company and wants to socialise with you at every opportunity.
If you feel he is being too imposing with his presence and is getting in the way of the quality time you spend with your fiancee, talk to him directly.
Suggest that just the two of you go out together and explain to him that you do enjoy his company but would prefer to spend time with him separately and not when his sister is also present.
Explain that when your mother and sisters are present, they can serve to be the designated mahram, so his presence is not required.
Furthermore, tell him that him turning up at your workplace is not professional and leaves you in a compromising position.
Be clear about this to your future brother-in-law whilst reiterating that there is nothing personal in your stance.