Dear Massi, Please help. My mum and wife are always arguing.
It's like they both want my attention and they compete to see who gets the best reaction out of me.
My mum cooked me biriyani so my wife rang her mum to get her recipe and also made me a biriyani on the same day.
Then another day my wife made daal. My mum told my wife that I don't like daal and I won't eat it, so she should cook something else.
My wife refused to cook something else and said she'll make sure I eat it.
As soon as I got home, my mum said my wife made daal on purpose knowing I don't like it.
My wife came up to me in front of my mum and whispered to me that if I eat the daal without making a fuss, she'll be intimate with me in the way I want.
I love my mum, but when my wife offers me that, I can't really refuse that. No man would.
Since that incident, anytime my mum and wife get into an argument, my wife uses sex as a weapon to get me on her side.
But now she wants us to move out of the house. And she is refusing to sleep with me until I get our own house.
My mum would be devastated if we moved out. I only have one brother, but he's really selfish and doesn't look after my mum at all.
What can I do?
Massi says, It is very difficult to play constant mediator between your mother and your wife.
You should not have to pick sides or loyalties between two people who are so important in your life.
This is challenging and a drain on your emotional resources.
It seems that your mother is simply being attentive and is not trying to antagonise your wife on purpose.
However, if your wife is left feeling insecure or jealous of your mother's attention, you need to talk about where that insecurity stems from.
Reassure your wife that you love her, but that you cannot be expected to discard or shun your mother just because you are married.
Explain to your wife that using her body as a means to get her own way is manipulative and unfair.
But at the same time, you need to assert yourself and not fall for her bait.
You said no man can refuse an offer for sex. If you feel you cannot stand up for your own principles, then you will continue to be trapped in this angst ridden triangle.
Make it clear that you are not going to pick one over the other.