Dear Massi, I have friends who read your advice, so I thought you may be able to help me.

I am a black man and want to get married to an Asian woman.

We have been seeing each other for some time now, but when Ramadan started she said we could not date anymore.

She said she is feeling really guilty about sneaking around before marriage, and that we need to get married as she cannot be sinful anymore.

She says I have to become a Muslim.

I agreed to go to a local mosque and meet her brother there too and speak to the leader of the mosque about converting. 

Her brother was very cold to me and refused to shake my hand. 

The mosque leader was very kind and gave me some reading material. 

When we left the mosque I turned to say bye to her brother, and I heard him muttering 'kala bandar' under his breath. 

I asked a few people what that means. I was disgusted when I found out.

My girlfriend was shocked when I told her and she apologised

Is it meant to be this hard and abusive to marry a Muslim woman?

Massi Says, There is never an excuse to be racially abusive towards someone.

This man's language towards you was appalling and you are right to be concerned especially as it is the brother of your partner.

His abrasive attitude is a reflection of his own inability to be open minded.

As difficult as it may be for you, try and dismiss his words.

Right now your focus is on building a future with your girlfriend and marrying her.

If converting to Islam is something you are willing to consider in order to marry your girlfriend, then I suggest you speak further with the religious leader in the mosque who warmly welcomed you.