'Good Muslims’, ‘Bad Muslims’ and ‘Muslims by Name’

Doctors checking to see if you are nutter? School kids being screened for ‘extremist tendencies? Uni students being spied upon?.

This week the government has told Muslims in no uncertain terms that it is going to get tough. The problem is we have heard all this before.

But does anyone really care? Most Muslims already know they are under the microscope.

We like to think that if we behave ourselves they will leave us alone. You have ‘good Muslims’, ‘bad Muslims’ and ‘Muslims by name’ (And we know a fair few of the latter!) The problem is – it doesn’t matter which one you are because you are all the same. You could be minding your own business being a ‘Muslim by name’ and bham!...before you know it…they will be studying your hard drive.

Good Muslims have no idea what the bad Muslims are saying and the ‘Muslims by Name’ just want to have a little fun and look religious at the same time.

The government is slowly but surely encroaching upon every little bit of your life. This latest drive will only look to make the paranoid more paranoid and prove to the nutters out there that the ultimate war is only years away.

What more can the government do? Here’s some ideas we think could be used when this Prevent gets a little a stale.

Cameras in Mosques: This would certainly be a little controversial at first but if proof is needed that Mosques generally have very little to hide then I think I could go for this? It might even get interesting when the committee members have a fight and everything is caught on tape.

Ten questions to see if you are an extremist: If you answer three out of the ten wrong you are sent to a happy camp where you have to watch old episodes of the X-Factor and Hannah Montana.

Is your kid likely to grow a beard?: If he is…the government finds ways to make sure he doesn’t. If he can’t look the part he won’t act the part!.

Mum's training sessions: Mum's are given free training sessions to ensure their kids don't get 'radicalised'. Throw in some cookery classes and this one is a winner.

Snitch on your neighbour and get supermarket vouchers: If you think your neighbour has become religious all of a sudden and has started praying namaz you can call a number they send you ten quid to spend at a local supermarket.

Hoax Facebook friends: A secret service agent pretends to be your Facebook friend and then encourages you to come out with anti-British sentiments. If you fall for the trap you get locked up without a trial. That’ll teach you.

And finally one of our favourite. Seekh Kebabs with listening devices in them. I think this one is self-explanatory.

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