Erm, well nothing. Not the answer you were expecting but…well that’s right…nothing.

Now ask me about a modern desi ‘s***’ man and all of a sudden I'm having verbal diarrhoea.

Lets define "A gentle man" as opposed to the other man because let’s face it, when the mask slips they are one and the same.

Is he speaks to you in a soft well mannered tone, with his posh upper-class British accent, reminding you every so often of his private school education?

Does he let you socialise with your girlfriends whenever you want and doesn't ask that you be home at 6pm to get his dinner on the table?

Is this the well mannered gentleman whom everyone in your circle of friends and family loves so much, because you have portrayed to the world that he is all of the above and more, just like our parents taught us to.

Unfortunately however, the reality is different.

The same modern desi gentleman who after 20 years of a good marriage decides he has had enough of the boring goody Jimmy Choos wife and 2.4 perfect kids and heads off looking for adventure.

Not wanting to risk losing it all, and wanting to have his chocolate and vanilla cake and eat it - they opt for the easiest option.

The at home, from the comfort of your own armchair "online get a date scene" after all they are desi, and desi men are well known for their laziness, why go outdoors looking for trouble when it can come to you, in an instant from the flick of an on button on your home computer.

Oh and did I add that they ticked the highest salary bracket and top jobs section in the advert.

So they strike up these friendships with women, and go on dates with them, when they are supposed to be in meetings and eventually after a few days (yes as soon as that) they commit adultery using the pretext of having to work during the night with colleagues ‘to check things on the system when the office is quiet’.

Oh yeah they have it all figured out, or so they think.

And of course being the thorough desk gentleman he asks his wife to iron, and pack his overnight bag and toiletries which she does, never suspecting for a millisecond why, or a what.

I have to be fair and add he isn't a complete lazy so and so, he does add the bottle of massage oil to the toiletries bag himself, afterwards.

These gentlemen get so carried away with their double lives, that they spin web after web of lies and deceit, putting even Spiderman to shame.

These modern desi gentlemen even carry on during the holy month of Ramadan, after breaking their so called fasts with their wives and children, and eating the samosa and pakora's they so specifically requested.

Some will stand in front of their wives and adolescent daughters and shoulder to shoulder with their teenage sons and actually have the gall to lead the prayer, in parrot fashion, whilst their minds are occupied by the next steamy sex text or email they are going to send their girlfriends.

As soon as they can they rush upstairs and start fondling themselves...dropping their "Izzat" as quickly as they drop their M&S underpants.

‘Come on yaar I have been fasting all day, sexting doesn't count’.

These so called "Modern desi gentlemen" sit a mere few metres away on the sofa, from their trusting wives as they send out sexually explicit emails and texts to their girlfriends.

Oh yes siree a thoroughly Modern desi gentleman through and through....NOT.

But as always they leave the best till last, when they get caught out, and of course they always eventually do.

The "Modern s*** desi gentleman, then develops selective amnesia, and thus again ensues the..."I don't remember" .

What? Who? or Why? or "I was breaking it off with her", or "I don't know what happened…I lost my mind. "Someone did black magic on me".

The only problem is the darlings the wives have read all the damaging texts and emails and have clocked the changes in their modern desi gentlemen.

It is your action that define you ‘Gentlemen’, they speak louder than your words.

Doesn't God the almighty say, on the day of judgement "You will be judged not only on your actions, but on your intentions as well"?.

Sorry men you are truly buggerred from all sides whichever way you look at it.

Your actions, your intentions and your words all show up to be the thoroughly modern day desi s*** man, who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.

We on the other hand are angels, when you break our wings, we just continue to fly on our broomsticks instead.

Because we are flexible like that.